With motherhood comes the great gift of repeatedly seeking out my Savior. There is no other human relationship that I could ever care about deeply enough to cause me to continually walk knowingly into the refiner's fire again and again. Never have I failed so repeatedly at something in which I so desperately want to succeed.
Desperation is the only appropriate word for my longing feelings towards succeeding at motherhood. I do not take lightly the charge I have been given by God to nurture these sweet spirits that were sent to me. I see their infinite potential and intrinsic goodness and I know that nothing else I do in life will ever matter as much as helping them become the world shapers they are intended to be. A mother is not all I am; but for now, it is more deserving of my time, effort, and devotion than any other aspect of my journey in this life.
In any other situation, I would have given up by now. I'm generally fairly quick to concede defeat when things are overly challenging for me. Thankfully, in this thing, I have a broader perspective from my knowledge that these little souls truly belong to Him and not to me. I am doing God's work, and if I am to do it well then I must seek the wisdom and assistance of the Master. To repeatedly seek out the healing and transformative effects of my Savior's atonement is the only way that I can pick back up and begin anew after each time I stumble. As I find Him in prayer, I regain my footing to move forward in this journey. I succeed in motherhood only when I turn myself over to Christ and allow him to lead me in my efforts.
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