Precious Moments

Some nights my sweet little guy just demands to be cuddled to sleep. It is rare... and I am ever so grateful for these nights.

Tonight was an occasion rarer and sweeter than most. After going through our regular bedtime routine, he cried out for comfort after only a few minutes of playing quietly in his crib. It was one of those undeniable cries that say "I need you Mom!" and I was in his room lifting him from the crib within seconds. A minute later, he slowly twirled his fingers through my hair as he clung to my shoulder and softly hummed along to the song I was quietly singing in his little ear. As he slowly lulled into a peaceful slumber and grew limper and heavier in my arms, I felt the temptation to rouse him gently in hopes of extending the precious experience.

It was one of those moments that you're afraid to let go of. The kind you just want to live inside forever.

It seems that each time I blink these days, he grows a little more. As we near his first birthday, I find myself grasping at each moment and wondering if I will ever get it back. He barely holds still anymore amidst the new-found excitements of rolling balls, stacking blocks, and the endless possibilities for wreaking havoc throughout our apartment. I get caught up in the excitement of it all and find myself anxiously awaiting his next accomplishment or discovery.

He is curious, intelligent, incredibly social, and just a little bit mischievous - all the things a growing little boy should be. Still, I can't help but long for the days of him cuddling on my chest as the hours ticked by... and I can't help but look forward with dread to the days in his future when he may not really need me at all.

These days, I live for the precious moments. They are like fuel for my soul. The dirty diapers, food splattered table, Cheerios encrusted carpet, occasional temper tantrums and general chaos of motherhood all just melt away as I treasure the sloppy kisses, family tickle sessions, and rare bedtime snuggles.

In these precious moments, I can't help but wonder who is really taking care of whom. Perhaps my little guy truly needed me tonight for reassurance and comfort... or more likely, this incredibly intuitive child could sense that I was the one who needed him. Needed to be needed, if only for a moment.

Life can sometimes feel like a mundane daily grind of general repetition. It is in the precious moments that I am reminded that life is really about LIVING, not just existing.