He and I have a slight difference in opinion when it comes to the "cleanliness" of our abode. He is happiest in a home that is nearly spotless from top to bottom--organized and open. I, on the other hand, thrive more in an environment of organized chaos (i.e. everything may not be in its place, but I still know where everything is.)
I really do believe in having a "lived in" house. I think the day to day messes are a big part of what makes a house a home. Many women I know seem to feel strongly that their homes should always look Parade of Homes worthy when company comes over, or even when no company is expected. Well, out of courtesy to those women, I may tell you "Sorry for the mess!" when you come by, but I'm really not sorry at all. You can learn a lot about a family from their mess...
That pile of dishes in the sink?
Evidence of the lovingly prepared (or rewarmed) dinner from last night.
That toy-strewn floor in the living room?
Proof that I love to play with my child. Also an indication that I believe children should be able to explore their environment freely. It's how they learn!
The blanket laying haphazardly on the floor?
Staying comfy and cozy is a priority for me in our home.
Those streaks and handprints on the inside of my windows?
Ok, yes I really do just hate cleaning windows. But also, they are kind of adorable.
Anyways, you get the idea.
I'm not saying that I never clean! I really can scrub and organize with the best of them (I can even get windows to glisten, I just don't). My house may sometimes be cluttered, but it does not emit unidentifiable odors. Dishes may sit in the sink for a day, but probably not longer. Toys may litter the floor at all times, but only because they are used continuously. I may leave a cookbook out on the counter, but that's because I know I'm going to use it tomorrow. That is the kind of clean I believe in. A lived in home is not spotless and perfect all the time, but it can be occasionally.
Over the years, Mr. Jenkins and I have started to meet halfway on these issues (although he did scrub a pan last night while I was in between using it in the middle of cooking dinner, haha). I let him clean when he needs to, and I tidy up as much as I can day to day. In return, he understands that a messy house is either an indication that I had a rough day or that our little guy is sometimes just too cute to put down in order to focus on other things. We accept our different ideas of cleanliness more and more over time.
So, no, I don't believe that "a clean house is a sign of a wasted life" like I've seen in a few memes lately. However, I would submit to you that a neurotic need to clean your house incessantly might be a good indication that you are missing out on some beautiful pieces of life.
I will never regret putting off that dirty toilet to rock my sleeping baby, or ignoring the dishes so I could answer my sister's phone call. I can guarantee you though that I will always regret ignoring my loved ones in favor of cleaning yet another mess that arises amidst living life to the fullest.
So please, don't clean your house just because I'm coming by to visit, and don't bother apologizing for the mess. I'd rather hear about the game you played with your child that created said mess. Besides, if you clean up all of last night's dishes, how will I ever know that you ate something delicious so I can ask you for the recipe?
A lot of girlies in your phase of life (aka one or two children) are in the same shoes. As in, feeling like in order to be validated as a SAHM their house must be spotless. It's just not so and it's just not realistic.
ReplyDeleteI, too, used to believe in a spic and span house. And guess what? It was absolutely spotless...ALL OF THE TIME. But, you know what? I never spent ANY time with my children AND my first two children had no real knowledge of what it mean to actually PLAY with toys. Because I wouldn't let them. It was MESSY. As soon as their attention was diverted from their toy for even a millisecond, I insisted they weren't interested anymore and it be put away. It totally stifled their imagination. They STILL don't know how to actually PLAY with things.
Things have changed drastically now. We do try to keep our house sanitary but it's only ever clean for about the first 10 and last 20 minutes of every day. At night we have the boys pick up their toys, the dishes are done, the floor is swept. Each morning the children are responsible for making their beds and picking up their rooms (aka dirty clothes from the day before and books they took to bed with them) and we call it good.
I get to the deep cleaning when I can (I FINALLY SCRUBBED MY KITCHEN FLOOR THIS MORNING and will HOPEFULLY get to my nasty bathrooms tomorrow) and that is REAL LIFE.
P.S. Never apologize for your mess. Instead, say something like, "Welcome to my mess" or "Welcome to our well lived in home" OR....EVEN BETTER....don't say anything at all. WHO CARES. Well...That's my 2...or 10 cents.
I love this "sorry not sorry" approach. I HATE the pressure to clean up just because someone is coming over-I shouldn't feel like their impressions of me depend on how tidy my apartment is!
ReplyDeleteSigh. You are right. Can Cooper count as my child then?? I'm obsessive with a clean house because I have nothing else to do!! hahah
ReplyDeleteKylie dearest, clean your house as much as you'd like - no judgment here! Just don't apologize for not cleaning it before I come over. I am no fan of feigned perfection ;)
DeleteI think a key idea here is the importance of being people-oriented and experience-oriented in the way we live our lives rather than task-oriented. The pleasure that comes from checking off items on a to-do list doesn't even compare to the memories made as we spend our lives doing things we love with the people we love. And from a spiritual standpoint, I don't think God cares anywhere near as much about what tasks I accomplished today as about what relationships I've improved, whether with Him, with family or friends, or even sometimes just with myself.
ReplyDelete